By Nancy Mbaegbu
I no know wetin October sign with the universe because this month has refused to be soft. Everywhere just dey hot. My loves, e just dey shake like generator wey wan explode.
Apparently, paradise don finally catch fire. Regina Daniels, our once smiling baby girl of life, reportedly moved out of her hubby’s house, shouting she can’t take the violence anymore. For person wey dey post glow-up videos every week, this one pain pass kalokalo investment.
In one clip that’s trending, she was heard saying, “In Ned’s house, I am nothing. But in my house, I am a Queen.” Goosebumps nearly apply for visa that night.
The wahala reportedly started inside her own mansion, the one tucked at the far end of the senator’s compound wey resemble mini estate for Life Camp, Abuja. Apparently, each wife get her own crib, and when it’s your “turn,” you go Maitama for duty call.
But this particular turn? E no end with romance. According to gist, after a heavy exchange, Regina packed out, shouting she can’t take the violence anymore. And Pa Ned Nwoko allegedly sent some boys to discipline her.
Thankfully, her brother Sammy enter scene like village superhero, blocking thugs and shouting, “Touch my sister and see mad!” Him no end there oo, Sammy also talk say Ned don dey beat Regina for years and even smashed her head with a gun before sending thugs. Bros even vow, “Anywhere a man touch a woman, I’ll defend her whether she’s my sister or not.” Na so wahala scatter like thunderclap.
Before Nigerians even catch their breath, Senator Ned log into Instagram like public relations officer of chaos. He typed: “Regina’s unprovoked carnage and rampage in my house and in my absence.”
Carnage ke? Sir, abeg this no be Senate plenary na. From there, he start paragraph marathon, accusing Regina of drugs, alcohol abuse and violent behavior, saying she slapped three of his staff, destroyed car windows, and even threatened his resident nurse.
Ned talk say her brother Sammy yes, same Sammy wey dey defend her na her main drug supplier, and one of her friend, Ann, be tiny evil devil. My dear, the press release dey like political manifesto.
The one wey come drop everybody jaw totally, na when he said he offered to send Regina for rehab in Asokoro or Jordan, where she would have “no access to drugs.” Jordan?? Even angels shock at that location drop.
Meanwhile, Regina herself claim say she’s been pretending for years, suffering in silence while being cut off from her own family. She said Ned never allowed her people to visit, and that she had endured domestic wahala for too long.
She said the thugs came for her when she finally decided to leave. She thanked God for her brother’s quick reaction, because that night could have turned ugly.
As usual, online in-laws no dey ever miss roll call. One person say: “Sir, do you even know what it takes for a young girl to share a bed with a man your age? You think it’s easy to sleep with you without being high? I honestly feel for that girl.” Another one say, “This marriage was never love, it was an endurance course.”
Na so empathy and sarcasm join hand flood timeline. Some people even drag her mama, saying she “sold her daughter out to a grandfather” all because of comfort. Nigerians no dey ever miss opportunity to add moral lesson and insult inside one breath.
But before online judges could even charge phone, Regina mama, Rita Daniels, jump inside the gist like uninvited guest with microphone. She clear her name sharp-sharp, say no be she introduce her daughter to Pa Ned o. She claimed she was the last person to know they were in a relationship.
She say na Regina herself bring the man home, confess say she dey in love and wan marry early. According to her, left for her, she for no agree to the marriage, but she only respected her daughter’s happiness.
This revelation summersault table again, because Nigerians start new dragging shift. Comment section catch fire. One person say, “Madam Rita dey play innocent like say we no see her hand for the script!” Another drop, “Abeg rest jare, na you carry your daughter go marry ancient of days.”
But, Facebook aunties defend her like prayer warriors, shouting, “She only wanted her daughter’s happiness!” At this point the matter don turn family reality show for the internet.
Meanwhile, gist be say both families don quietly dey try settle the matter and patch things up. Word on the street be say Regina don even move back to her husband’s house allegedly o, before person go quote me. Shebi una see why dem say make you no put mouth for husband and wife matter? Before you blink, dem don reconcile.
Nigerians wey open supreme court for Instagram comments now look like unpaid judges. The news of their alleged reconciliation got mixed opinions; some people happy say peace don return, others dey wonder how love fit heal that fast after all the earlier gbas gbos.
This kind love matter don tire even cupid, the guy don off arrow face front. The Queen say she’s done, the senator say she needs rehab, family wan make peace. At this point, only God and data subscription fit tell us who go post next but one thing sure pass light bill, this gist never near the end.
The bedroom contract
My people, if I no tell una this gist, e go pain me, because this one pass ordinary marital wahala. E wan even pass Pa Ned drama. One man don carry premium audacity enter courtroom, and if you hear wetin him talk, you go pause from drinking your garri.
The man say him no dey ask for money or peace. Him just want a sex contract. I no dey joke o. The same way people sign house rent, this man want him wife to sign “bedroom agreement.” As he wants to be having sex with her three times a day; breakfast, lunch, and dinner like it’s part of daily vitamins.
The courtroom loose composure in seconds. Even the judge hold laugh like person wey swallow whistle. Harold, chest up and confident, hand the paper over, saying, “Your honor, she must wear lingerie of my choice, cook, and draw my bath with cigar waiting.” I say, ah! This one no be husband again, na royal majesty of mattress kingdom.
But the wife Edna, that woman too calm for this planet. She just look am like person observing nonsense through microscope. Then she say, “Everything in that paper na for him alone. What do I get?” The whole courtroom shout small. Then madam continued, “Give me two vacations a year and I’ll sign.” I say, gbam! Woman of wisdom and premium sarcasm.
The judge no fit pretend again; him burst laugh. He said, “Everything in this paper is actually work.” And that’s how Edna officially turn courtroom to comedy show. Even one spectator cough from laughter. Another nearly fall from chair.
By the time the video land online, comments full everywhere. One person say, “Three times a day? Baba, are you powered by fuel and faith?” Another add, “This man no need wife, he needs gym trainer and pastor.” My own favorite be the one wey say, “Two vacations too small, abeg. Add shopping allowance and silence package.”
Honestly, nobody know if Ednagoi finally sign, but if na me, I go laminate that “sex contract” and keep am as souvenir; proof that some people’s confidence runs on madness and multivitamins combined.
Hairstylist who funded her own heartbreak
My favs come close, you no go believe wetin love don do again for Enugu. Abeg make we reason this heartbreak matter before love finish people for this country.
Make una explain to me why one 22-year-old fine babe from Yala, Cross River State, go carry her whole heart, energy, and destiny tie round one boyfriend wey no even deserve handshake, talk less of commitment.
Na real gist o. The babe, Mary, na hairstylist based in Enugu, and her story go pain you and still make you laugh small.
Mary no dey suffer o. She was doing well, her business dey boom, money dey flow, and in her generous lover-girl spirit, she even bought car and rented apartment for her man. Una know say love dey turn people to philanthropist sometimes.
But last Friday, babe decided to surprise her boo, only to open door see another woman sitting like landlady inside her own investment. You see that kind shock wey make person suddenly remember all her ancestors? Na wetin she feel that day.
Dem say she just stood there for seconds, processed the shock, and walked out quietly; but inside her chest, volcano don already dey boil.
She reach her own house, call her mama, and talk say she no fit take am again. She also talk say she accept whatever happens in good faith. Mama no even get airtime to call back, and before anybody fit raise alarm, the sad news don spread say Mary drink poison.
Doctors rush, try all the “don’t leave us” drama, but heartbreak no dey respond to CPR. That same evening, she gave up. Dem carry her body go Yala, her hometown and bury her quietly. No long ceremony, no plenty talk. The family just weak. Person wey suppose still dey enjoy her soft life suddenly become once upon a time because of love wey no get direction.
People begin whisper different theories say maybe na jazz, or spiritual manipulation. But abeg, let’s call it what it is, foolish love and wicked betrayal. How you go collect house from a woman, then use the same house host your next conquest? Na spiritual insult with audacity.
And you know Nigerians, they must analyze.
Some say, “How you go rent man house?” Others say, “At least she loved deeply.” But between me and you, love wey dey drain account and sanity no be love again; na emotional loan with no repayment plan.
The sad part? The boyfriend is still breathing fine, probably explaining to new babe how “life happens.” My loves, no matter how sweet love dey, abeg always carry your sense wear like bulletproof. Love sweet true true, but abeg no let am turn you to obituary. Because these streets no get pity for soft hearts.
*Southerner Xtra —Trending with Nancy Mbaegbu
